Bailey's Big Adventure

Shouldn't they switch Valentine's Day to like June or something? I think we'd all be a little more into sharing our love if we weren't in the midst of a disgusting hibernation period. If this winter has taught me anything, it's that if Hell ever does freeze over, its environment will be just as sucky and torturous as the original, hot and fiery version. Boston is really really cold and it really really sucks in the winter. Really.

I forgot just how bad it can get, even though the weather was the main reason we moved to San Diego in the first place. I just don't remember it ever being this bad while growing up. (I guess it's that same selective memory that tricks parents into having a second kid.) Now we have what they call an "ice dam" on our roof, which is causing leaks in our windows and our yard has been covered with snow since a week before Christmas. Don't get me wrong, the White Christmas was nice. We just never expected a White Winter. Our daughter is starting to look like an Eskimo.

So when Mother Nature (that fickle bitch) gave us a few balmy days above 5o degrees this week, we jumped at the chance to get Bailey out of the house. We chiseled the cobwebs off the Humvee Stroller and strapped in the Cutest Baby Ever for an adventure on the mean streets of North Framingham.


It took less than a lap around the block for us to encounter our first obstacle of the day in the form of our neighbor's unleashed, untamed black lab who was looking to play. And of course he made a b-line for Bailey's head. Now had this happened 15 years ago, the old me would have kicked the stupid mutt in the temple and stabbed him in the eyes with my car keys. But the older dog-loving Scott just politely nudged the little guy away (again and again) until I could get the girls safely into the house. Then I went across the street and kicked our stupid neighbor in the temple and stabbed him in the eyes with my car keys.

Plan B involved a stroll through a state park down the street. We had to drive there, which was good because that black lab wasn't getting a second chance if he came barreling at my daughter again. The trails at the park were covered in a thick sheet of melting ice and we made it a good 50 yards before realizing the old Humvee stroller wasn't up for negotiating the frozen tundra of a New England State Park in February. So we blew off the walk and went to get some lunch.

We entered "Deli" into the GPS and chose a place called "Big Apple Deli" because the “Big Apple” is New York and New York has good delis where you can get good lunch, right? I had to run across the street to get some cash and by the time I got back from the ATM, Kristin and Bailey were already seated in the back...they were the only ones there. Kristin had a coffee in front of her, which I thought was kind of weird because she rarely drinks coffee in the afternoon. Then some crazy-looking rough and tumble waitress voice said from across the restaurant, "You having coffee too, hun. Like it or not. Ahhh haaaa haaaa". She had one of those rasply, phlegmy voices. Sweet.

Now I'm not one to turn down coffee (especially from a woman who looks like Large Marge from Pee Wee's Big Adventure), so I gladly drank it even though it might clash with the sandwich I was craving. This turned the next ten minutes into an intense battle for mug possession with Bailey, who now LOVES coffee cups and will fight you to the death one. But she still won’t drink from a Sippy Cup.

As I looked over the menu I realized something terrible – this place was breakfast only. A breakfast-only Deli. I know, huh? I won’t get into a whole rant, here, but when the waitress came over she acted like I was the weird one when I asked for the lunch menu. “Well the new owners are thinking about lunch. I guess I could make you a hotdog or pastrami or something," she said while breathing down my neck and pointing her nicotine-stained fingernails at my menu. "Or you can have steak and eggs. We have a taco omelet, too. It's great. I make it myself”.

I avoided making a scene with Marge and just ordered the taco omelet, which was stupid because it looked and tasted like a pile of crap (that Marge made herself). But it didn’t really matter because we just sat there and fed Bailey green beans from the table, which was just a blast. She played with her spoon and said Dada and Mama and smiled and played. When she is in the right mood, Bailey can make you feel like you don’t have a care in the world. It was good to get out of the house.

I’m having so much fun hanging out with Bailey and Kristin and I’m glad to have the chance to spend funny little days like this with them - even if it's in the midst of Bizarro Hell. We still never sleep and our lives are upside down, but we both still run to her bedroom when she wakes from a nap – just to get that first smile from her. The weather does suck and the economy sucks and sleep deprivation definitely sucks. But being a parent to the Cutest Baby Ever and husband to the Greatest Wife Ever definitely doesn't suck. It's actually pretty awesome.

While we're at it, here is a video I took the other day. This kid should be in commercials.